I like chemistry and who doesn’t, we all want and need that in our lives.
At the same time, I don’t start easily a relationship. Because I need to know the other person’s world, I believe we and our needs are far too complex to easily understand. I cannot be superficial with something so important to me. For me, dating is knowing the person not starting the relationship so I never judge before that.
I prefer chemistry developed rather gradually over time – not immediately upon meeting someone. Those relationships have also been more successful as well, and the ones with an immediate spark always seem to crash and burn for me.
Because I’m perfectly willing to go out with someone several times before deciding it’s not something to pursue, and because I’m cautious intruding someone else’s world, I have a slow pace. But most of the girls I’ve seen seem to be expecting it right away.
I had a recent date, first date, and afterward got a text, not enough chemistry and this is how I choose my partners. My first thought was… How did that go for you so far?
I believe spontaneous chemistry is somehow toxic because it attracts you to the same old pattern you’ve been hurt before. Of course, we like it because the dynamic is so familiar. But how did all that relationships end up? Was there a common point? The same pay as you got at the end.?
I had also a different experience, someone I’ve liked years ago, and she didn’t see me, and of course no chemistry. It took her some time, and a certain openness in order to see me. She then started to see me with different eyes and guess what there was a lot of chemistry.
What would be the best approach? To be open, because chemistry, the good one, if there is a good one, would be built based on what really this person is. Otherwise, chemistry is built based on projections and unreal things, excommunicated expectations. That’s why I find it naive. Don’t get me wrong, it can be all perfect. but small chances, you need a lot of things to align. Don’t mistake attraction with compatibility.
Most of the time we have chemistry for what we’ve created in our minds, and at some point, we get disappointed in it, and we blame the other, of course. People our days look all their life for something that doesn’t exist, and please understand what I am saying, it can be even better than this, but NOT that way. Not based on one date.
The spontaneous chemistry is promoted by media the media tells people what to think, and what to buy, how to be. It is for Disney movies.
The idea of “chemistry” being some spontaneous overwhelming thing was invented to sell perfume and nylons. The truth is there are billions of people on earth and there will be many you are compatible with and can experience amazing fulfilling relationships with. If you pass over every potential person chasing the phantom you describe as love, you’re going to be terribly miserable when you discover it is not real..
This leads to a lot of single men and women passing over perfectly good partners waiting for “the one” or “immediate chemistry” or whatever the people are calling it.